


hazza & lou

by nightingale13



Category: One Direction (Band)
Genre: Harry is a smol bean, Kidfic, M/M, They're best friends, a lot of fluff, also harry stutters when he is anxious, and kiss, harry also has an anxiety disorder, harry goes to therapy!, he is also a flower child, he's also an anxiety boi, i just love young harry and louis fics, i'm trying to accurately depict mental health issues from a kid's pov, louis likes to play footie, louis takes care of harry bc he is so precious and lovely, no smut bc that's not my thing, they are just adorable best buddies, they will hug a lot, tommo is a good friend
Language: English
Status: In-Progress
Published: 2020-06-09
Updated: 2020-08-21
Packaged: 2021-03-03 21:28:38
Rating: General Audiences
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 7
Words: 7,803
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/24632332
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/nightingale13/pseuds/nightingale13
Summary: Harry is a sweet little boy who is quiet and shy and has trouble talking to new people.  Louis is full of boundless energy and his mummy tells him that he is very brave, so he decides that Harry will be his new best friend, and he will protect him at all costs.or Harry and Louis meet in the park on a nice, summer day, and it quickly evolves into them being "the best friends in the whole world."trigger warning: detailed descriptions of an anxiety disorder.
Relationships: Harry Styles & Louis Tomlinson
Comments: 38
Kudos: 61





	1. a long way from the playground

**Author's Note:**

> hello! this is my first fanfiction here. I hope you enjoy it!

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> harry and louis meet at the playground:)

Harry was small for his age. At seven years old, he looked to be about the size of a kindergartner. A mop of curly, brown hair sat atop his head, complementing his bright, green eyes brimming with unbridled curiosity and joy. He was quiet and shy around new people but had an incredibly sweet demeanor with those he loved. His mother said he had just a touch of anxiety. Harry spent his time in the park playing with flowers and talking to himself, always a bit too afraid to venture onto the woodchips of the playground. 

Louis was a rambunctious eight-year-old with too much energy for his own good. The teachers at school declared that he had “ants in his pants,” as he found it difficult to ever sit still. He was constantly being scolded for speaking a little too loudly or playing too roughly. He loved footie, which was all he talked about most days. Louis spent all of his time waiting to go play on the field or run around in the park, so it was a great surprise to Louis’s mother when instead of walking towards the familiar field, Louis wandered to a patch of flowers away from all of the commotion.

A little boy sat in the center of the flower patch, and Louis made his way towards the boy before unceremoniously plopping down beside him.

“Hi, I’m Louis!”

Bright green eyes met ocean blue, and Louis smiled at the shy boy in front of him. He looked a little startled and had not returned the greeting, so Louis gently prompted him, the way his mummy said to do when people were being shy. 

“What’s your name?”

The small boy stared back at him for a moment before whispering a quiet, 

“H-H-Harry.”

“Well, Harry,” Louis whispered back, “how would you like to be my friend?”

Although incredibly direct and forthcoming with his proclamation of friendship, Harry still seemed unsure of Louis’s sincerity. The green-eyed boy focused his attention on his sneakers, idly twirling the laces between his fingers. Louis saw how he chewed on his lip before finally meeting Louis’s gaze after what felt like hours to the excitable little boy.

Under most circumstances, Louis would have become incredibly restless long before now, but something about this little boy with curly hair and emerald green eyes intrigued him. 

“It’s okay, you don’t have to talk,” Louis began, “I get shy sometimes too and mummy says that’s okay!” 

Harry gave him a small smile in return and picked a yellow daffodil for his new friend, handing it gently to the older boy who sat beside him.

Louis beamed at the little boy’s gesture of kindness. He felt the need to protect this quiet boy he had only just met, the same way Louis’s mummy took care of his baby sisters. Harry was special. Louis had never met anyone quite like him before. 

Suddenly, a small hand tugging on Louis’s own pulled him from his thoughts. 

Harry stood, and Louis followed suit, walking after his new friend as the boy led him to a bench where a kind-looking woman sat.

Louis watched as Harry dropped his hand and climbed up the bench before turning to his mother and speaking quietly into her ear.

“Mummy!” Harry whispered excitedly to his mother, “I made a new friend!” 

Harry’s mother looked at him, admiring the dimples appearing on his chubby cheeks. 

“Is that so, Harry dear? That’s wonderful! Why don’t you introduce him to me, the way we practiced at home?”

Harry nodded back at his mother, and turned his head towards the new friend he had just made. 

“T-th-is i-i-s Lou-u-is.” Harry stuttered out, pointing to the boy with ocean blue eyes who was standing before him with an enormous smile on his face. Harry drawled out the ‘ou’ in his name, and Louis found he liked that very much. 

“Hi!” Louis exclaimed, “I’m Louis and I play football and Harry is my new best friend in the whole world!”

“Well, it’s very nice to meet you, Louis!” Harry’s mother smiled, “I don’t think we’ve seen you around here before?” 

Louis was quick to respond, nodding his head excitedly, “That’s because I’m always playing on on the field because I’m the best footie player in the whole second grade, but today I saw Harry sitting in the flowers so I decided we should be friends now!” He exclaimed in one breath. Harry noted that many of Louis’s sentences seemed to end in an exclamation point; he smiled at this realization, giggling quietly behind his fingers.

“Louis William Tomlinson! Please tell me you are not badgering this poor woman and her son!” Louis’s mother seemed to appear out of nowhere, and Louis pouted up at her.

“Of course I’m not, mummy! Harry is my new best friend so he brought me to meet  _ his  _ mummy, so I’m really not badgering them at all,” Louis replied, defensively.

Harry’s mummy laughed at his antics before turning to speak to Louis’s mum, “It’s nice to meet you, I’m Anne, I’m Harry’s mother.”

Louis’s mum smiled back in return, “I’m Jay, it’s lovely to meet you. I see our boys have become quite good friends! Louis and I are heading home now for dinner, but how would you like to exchange numbers, perhaps arrange a playdate?” 

Louis and Harry’s mothers talked over details for a few minutes while exchanging numbers and deciding on a good date.

Louis’s face had fallen upon hearing that they were to be returning home, but he quickly perked up again when he heard that he and Harry would be having a playdate soon.

“Bye, Harry!” Louis called out as he and his mum began the walk home. 

Harry didn’t shout after him, but he did give Louis a little wave and a smile, and for Louis, that was enough.


	2. i know we only met (but let's pretend it's love)

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> harry and louis have their first playdate!

Five days had passed since the boys’ first encounter, and Louis could not wait to see his new friend again. Harry was due to arrive any minute now, and Louis was just a tad bit impatient. The eager little boy talked his mother’s ear off about what they would do on their playdate and all of the fun they were bound to have together. 

“Mum! We can play in the backyard and we’ll make play-dough and eat cookies! I’m going to be the best friend Harry’s EVER had!”

Jay smiled at her son and replied kindly, “Sweetie, I know you are very excited to see your new friend, but let’s calm down a little before he arrives. We can save all of that energy for playing with Harry, hmm?”

Louis nodded to his mother, agreeing that this seemed to be a sensible idea, before running upstairs to find his favorite toys to show Harry.

Meanwhile, Harry was sat in his mother’s car, a bundle of nerves. 

“Harry, darling, you don’t need to worry, okay? Remember how excited Louis has been to see you?”

Harry chewed on his lower lip, contemplating his mother’s words, before shaking his head.

“Mummy, he’s not going to like me. Only Niall likes me and that’s ‘cause he has to ‘cause he’s our neighbor.” 

Anne frowned at Harry’s reasoning, wondering how her sweet boy could think so little of himself at such a young age.

“Well, that is most certainly untrue, Harry Edward Styles.” 

Anne pulled into the Tomlinson’s driveway. 

“But, Mum,” Harry began, “No one at school even likes me. They think I’m dumb because I get so scared and they call me a baby and I can’t even talk unless it’s to you and Gem,” Harry huffed out in one breath.

“Sweetie, that doesn’t make you a baby. Everyone gets a little scared sometimes, and Louis won’t think any less of you because of it. You two met at the park and he loved you. Trust me, Harry. Come now, let’s go in. I can already see your friend at the door.” 

At that, Harry jolted upright, already unbuckling his car seat, all nerves forgotten.

“Harry!” Louis exclaimed, running towards his new friend with an enormous smile on his face.

“L-Louis!” Harry shouted in reply, albeit quieter than Louis’s greeting. 

Louis was quick to pull the smaller boy into a hug, which Harry shyly accepted.

“Come on, Harry! I want to show you my toys!”

Louis pulled Harry through the door and into his house, heading up the stairs before Anne could even enter the Tomlinson home.

Jay beckoned Anne into her home. “Hi there, Anne. I can see our boys are quite excited. Would you like to come in for tea?” 

Anne accepted gratefully, and the two women made their way to the dining room for tea and biscuits. 

***

Louis sat Harry down on his Spiderman bedspread before running to his desk to grab the box of his favorite toys. It was full of power ranger action figures (which his mum had finally let him get now that he was a big boy who was a whole eight years old), a few coloring books, and a set of hot wheels cars. 

“Ta-da!” Louis looked proudly at all of his toys. “Whaddya wanna play with, Harry?”

Harry smiled up at him from the bed, simply shrugging his shoulders.

“Y-you c-c-can pick, Lou-is.”

Louis smiled back at his little friend.

“Let’s color!!” Louis declared, to which Harry eagerly nodded his assent. 

Taking two coloring books and a box of crayons from the toy bin, Louis hopped up onto the bed. 

“Which one do you want, Harry?” 

Louis’s mum told him that it was always polite to ask your guest to pick what they liked first, and Louis felt that it was awfully important to be polite to Harry because he was so sweet and kind and he needed to be protected. 

Harry didn’t say anything in response but pointed to the coloring book with different animals. Louis handed it to him gladly, taking the superhero coloring book for himself.

The two boys sat in silence as they settled on their respective coloring pages and chose their crayon colors. After a few moments, Louis looked up at Harry, deciding to make some conversation. 

“Which page did you pick?” Louis looked at Harry expectantly.

“The c-cow.” Harry smiled back to him, “you?”

“I chose the spiderman! Because he’s strong and brave like me and I love spiderman.” 

Louis grinned proudly at Harry, who giggled a little at his excitement. Harry’s laugh made Louis’s heart soar-- he decided at that moment that he would try to make Harry laugh as much as possible, just so he could keep hearing that joyous sound. It made Louis happy, too. 

They diligently colored while Louis talked up a storm. Occasionally, Harry would interject with a small nod or laugh.

“You don’t talk much, Harry, do you?”   
  


Harry glanced up from his drawing at Louis, embarrassed. He shook his head in the negative.

Louis gave him a kind smile, “That’s okay, Harry! It’s fun to be with anyway! You’re my best friend ever.”

Harry was surprised to hear this statement from Louis.

“T-thanks, L-L-L-Lo-u-u…” Harry trailed off, frustrated, before trying again and again, “L-Lou-ou-”

Louis watched Harry become upset as he struggled to pronounce his friend’s name. He didn’t understand why Harry was having so much trouble talking, because talking was easy for Louis! He could talk for hours on end. But for some reason, Harry’s cheeks had flushed red and tears were forming in the corners of his eyes. He looked awfully sad, Louis thought, and Louis most definitely did not want Harry to be sad, especially from just talking to him!

“It’s okay, Harry! I like ‘Lou’ better, anyway.”

Although Louis hated when his friends at school called him “Lou,” he decided that an exception could be made for Harry. Harry was special, so it was okay if he called Louis a special name, too, just like the way his mummy and daddy did. 

Harry visibly relaxed. “T-thanks, Lou.”

Louis beamed at Harry, and Harry in return gave Louis a small smile as he wiped away the stray tears from his eyes. 

“Come on!” Louis jumped off the bed, “Let’s go get a snack, I’m so hungry!”

Louis grabbed Harry’s hand and they rushed down to the kitchen, where they were met by their two mothers enjoying a cup of tea. 

“Hi, boys,” Jay began, “are you hungry?”   
  


Both boys nodded earnestly as Jay stood, filling them each a cup of milk and grabbing some cookies off the tray where they had been cooling on the stove.

“Cookies!!!!!” Louis exclaimed, excitedly. 

Anne was shocked, but incredibly pleased when she heard her own son speak up.

“M-me too. I-I love cook-kies!” 

Jay placed a small plate of cookies at the table for the boys, who both were quick to sit down and begin their snack.

The mothers sat and talked quietly as their sons finished off the cookies and milk, looking full and content.

Anne saw that Harry was beginning to look exhausted, and decided it was an appropriate time to wrap up the playdate.

“Thank you so much for having us, Jay. It was lovely to see you, and it looks like the boys had a wonderful time.”

“It was my pleasure, Anne. Did you have fun, boys?”

Harry and Louis both nodded happily, the former looking like he was in need of a nap.

“Maybe you and Louis would like to come over to our house this weekend?” Anne proposed, to which Louis immediately exclaimed, “yes!” and Harry smiled brightly.

Jay and Anne smiled at their sons, agreeing to talk over details on the phone later.

“Bye, Harry!” Louis followed Harry and his mother out the door, waving as watched their car fade into the distance.

***

“Did you have fun, baby?” Anne asked her son as they drove home.

Harry met her eyes in the rearview mirror,

“Uh huh, I like Lou a lot!”

Anne smiled to herself-- this was clearly the beginning of something special.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Thank you for the kudos and kind comments! :)


	3. you never love yourself (as much as i love you)

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> harry is worried:(

It was Friday night, and Harry couldn’t sleep. Louis and his mum were coming over tomorrow, and Harry was terrified. Despite his tiredness, his mind was wide awake. Thoughts kept running through his head on repeat, making his tummy fill with worry. 

_ He won’t want to be my friend anymore. He’ll see how stupid I am and won’t like me. I’m a baby, just like the kids at school say. _

Harry wiped across his cheeks with the back of his hand in a vain attempt to rid himself of the tears spilling from his eyes. 

_ See, you are such a baby. He even said how “you don’t talk much.” Remember? _

Harry shook his head fiercely; maybe if he shook hard enough he could expel the mean thoughts from his mind. 

_ You don’t talk much, you don’t talk much, you don’t talk much. _

Louis must think he was such a scaredy-cat, he couldn’t even say his name right.

The tears came down harder now, morphing into painful sobs.

Harry didn’t notice his bedroom door creaking open or the feeling of his sister’s warm arms wrapping around him. 

“Haz? What’s wrong?”

His sister, Gemma, looked at him with concern. Her little brother had always been emotional, but these heart-wrenching sobs were terrifying to her.

“G-gemma!” Harry cried, pulling his sister’s sweater up to his nose, needing to sniff the comforting smell. 

“L-L-ou-u isn-n’t g-gonn-a-a like me-e a-anym-more-ore…”

Gemma drew Harry closer to her chest.

“That’s nonsense, Harry. Why would you think that?”

Harry sniffled deeply before replying.

“C-cause I-I-I can’t ev-v-en talk r-r-ight a-a-and…“

At this, Gemma gently swatted Harry’s head.

“Shush, darling. Louis loves you. Mum keeps talking about how excited he was to see you, I even heard him screaming on the phone. What is making you so worried, Harry?”   
  


Harry burrowed himself deeper into Gemma’s arms, and the pair sat in silence for a few minutes, only interrupted by the occasional sniffle from Harry.

In lieu of a verbal answer, Harry took his pointer finger and tapped on his head, hard, before curling back up into his sister’s embrace. 

Gemma looked sadly at her younger brother.

“That’s just the little worry bug, remember Haz? He just likes to tell lies, nothing he’s telling you is true.”

Yet this did nothing to relieve his anxiety.

“G-gem, I don’t-t wanna have a-a worr-ry b-bug,” He began to wail, “Non-ne of-f the other-r ki-kids hav-ve one.”

Gemma was at a loss for what to do. Anne always told her she was a great big sister, but she had no idea how to help her little brother.

“Come on, Haz, let’s bring you to mummy, okay?”

Harry continued to cry as Gemma carried him downstairs to their mum’s room.

_ Now you’re going to wake up your mummy, too. You know how tired she is from work.  _

“Mum?” Gemma called out, “Mum!”

Anne was quick to respond, pulling on a bathrobe and exiting her room in a hurry.

“What’s wrong, Gemma, it’s two in the…” She stopped suddenly at the sight of her son.

“Harry… baby, what’s wrong?” 

Gemma shifted Harry into their mother’s arms, who pulled Harry close to her chest.

He only began to sob harder at this, so Anne waved her daughter away, with a quick murmur of, “later.”

Anne brought her son into her room, turning on the lamp on her bedside table. She sat him down on the edge of the bed and crouched down to meet his face.

“Darling, what’s going on in that head of yours? Mummy can’t help you unless you tell me.”

Harry looked up at his mum with red-rimmed eyes and shook his head.

“J-just w-wanna sleep-p with y-you?” He managed to stammer out. 

Anne decided not to push it.

“Okay, baby, let’s just get you cleaned up and then we can have a nice big cuddle, okay?”

Harry nodded, so Anne went to her bathroom and wet a washcloth with warm water. She walked back to her son and lifted his chin so she was looking into her eyes.

“Whatever is going through your head, baby, it’s gonna be okay.” 

She washed his face from tear residue with the damp cloth, placing a small kiss on his forehead when she finished. She put the washcloth away and curled into bed with her son held tightly in her arms.

“It’s all gonna be okay, Harry.”   



	4. you're the one that i want at the end of the day

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> harry and louis have another playdate, but harry is scared.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> sorry this took a little while to update! thanks for reading, I'll try to post again soon:)

Harry awoke to the sound of his mummy talking softly over the telephone in the other room.

“Yes, Jay, I think seeing Louis will help…”

Harry burrowed himself further into the comfort of the bedspread, trying in vain to push away all of his scary thoughts.

He wanted to see Louis today. He really did. But he was scared that he would only embarrass himself further if Louis even wanted to see him at all.

“Bye, I’ll see you later, Jay, thanks.”

After hanging up the phone on its receiver, Anne stepped back into her room and sat down next to Harry on the bed.

“Good morning, sweetheart, it’s time to wake up. I made you some breakfast.” She shook his shoulder gently, as Harry feigned waking up, rubbing the sleep from his eyes.

“Hi, mummy.”

Harry looked up at his mother with large, green eyes.

“Come on, Harry, let’s go get some food in you,” she smiled down at him.

Anne took his hand and gently prodded him towards the kitchen.

She sincerely hoped today would be a better day for him.

***

“But Mum!” Louis groaned, “why would he be scared! We're best friends!”

“I know, sweetheart,” Jay replied kindly, “but Harry’s mum told me that this is normal for him. Remember how you were nervous for the first day of primary school?” 

Louis shrugged, “Yeah, but Mum, this isn't primary school! We're the best friends in the whole wide world. He shouldn't be scared… did I do something wrong?”

“Oh Louis, no, no, you did absolutely nothing wrong. Some people just get scared a little more easily than you do.”

Louis thought for a moment, “So is Harry not brave, like me?”

Jay took her son's face in her hands.

“I know for a fact that Harry is plenty brave, Louis. Being scared doesn't mean that someone is not brave. In fact, I think the people who get scared and work through it are some of the bravest people I know.”

Louis smiled at his mother.

“Hmm, okay. Harry's brave just like me then. Can we go in now?”

Jay laughed at her kindhearted son, ringing the doorbell to notify Anne of their arrival.

Anne opened the door with a, “Welcome!” and a hug for Jay.

Louis could see Harry peeking out from behind Anne-- his mum was right, Harry really did look scared.

“Harry!! I missed you!” Louis exclaimed.

Rather than the cheerful welcome Louis expected, Harry quickly darted back through the hallway, running up the stairs to the comfort of his room.

Anne sighed, “We’re having a rough morning… I will be right back, I’ll go check on-”

Before Anne could finish her statement, Lou began running through the hallway and up the stairs, just like his best friend had done a few moments ago. “I’ll do it!” He shouted to the two mothers.

Louis ran up the stairs, arriving in a carpeted hallway with many doors. He could hear small whimpers coming out of one of the rooms and immediately walked towards the sound.

“Harry?” He called out, gently opening the door.

The sight that lay before him was pitiful. Harry was sat in his bed, curled up under a pile of blankets, loud sobs puncturing the quiet of his bedroom. 

“Harry?” Louis tried again, “what’s wrong?”

Upon hearing Louis’s question, Harry merely cried harder.

This wouldn’t do, Louis thought. His best friend should never have to feel this sad, especially by himself. 

Louis made his way over to the bed, sitting gingerly on the edge of the wrinkled bedspread.

“Hazza? What’s wrong?” The new nickname slipped out of his mouth without thought. 

When Harry did not respond, Louis began to cry, too.

Louis pulled his knees up to his chest, distraught by not being able to comfort his friend.

At this, Harry peeked out from his pile of misery. It was okay for him to be sad, but Louis couldn’t cry too! That wasn’t okay. He didn’t want Louis to be sad.

“L-lou?” Harry questioned softly.

Louis’s tears stopped as he met Harry’s eyes. 

“Hazza?”

“W-what’s-s wr-r-ong, Lou?”

Louis sniffled, “You’re sad, Hazza. I made you run away. I didn’t mean to scare you.” 

Harry looked deeply saddened to hear that Louis was crying on his behalf.

Suddenly, Harry reached out, putting his small hand over Lou’s own.

“It’s n-not your fault-t, Lou.”

Louis met Harry’s gaze, “Why were you scared, Haz?”

Harry looked down at his toes, pulling his hand away from Louis and seeming to curl further into himself.

“Harry?” Louis asked again.

“I… I’m sc-scared-d that… that y-you won’t wanna-a be fr-friends with m-me because I’m-I’m so weird, Lou. That’s-that’s what-t all the k-kids at-at school say.” Tears started to fall from Harry’s eyes, rolling down his cheeks and hitting his light blue blanket in a small puddle.

Louis couldn’t take it anymore. He drew Harry up into his arms, the way his mummy did when he was sad, and held him.

“Hazza… We’re best friends. I don’t think you’re weird.”

Harry looked at him, trying to hide his evident surprise at this declaration.

“You don’t?”

“Nope,” Louis replied with a smile, popping the ‘p.’

“C’mon, Harry, let’s go play!”

Harry smiled back at the older boy.

“O-okay,” He responded, gently pulling Louis over to his toy chest.

Lou didn’t think he was weird. For now, that was enough. He had a friend.


	5. but bear this in mind, it was meant to be

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> harry goes to therapy

The two boys played happily, while their mothers also chatted amicably.

“So, Anne, I hope you don’t mind me asking, but did my Louis do something to make Harry so scared?” 

Anne sighed at first, “No, Jay, he did absolutely nothing wrong. We’ve been thinking about taking Harry to a psychologist, he seems to be struggling with anxiety. I think… he’s never really had many friends before, Jay, and I think he’s scared Louis will become tired of him, and won’t want to be friends any longer…”

Jay looked back at her with sympathy, “Poor thing, I know anxiety can be very challenging. If it will help at all, I know that Louis already considers Harry his best friend, if you can reassure Harry of that.”

Anne smiled back at her kindly, “Thank you, Jay. I appreciate it.”   
  


***

A few days had passed since the boys’ playdate, and Anne knew it was time to intervene with Harry’s anxiety.

“Harry, love,” she spoke kindly to him, “You know how sometimes you get really scared? When the worry bug comes? I scheduled an appointment for you with a special kind of doctor like we talked about. It’s later today, and all you’re gonna have to do is talk to her. I know you’re a big boy, can you do that for me, please?”

Harry met his mother’s gaze and timidly nodded.

“Thank you, dear. I think it will help you be able to talk to people more easily. Wouldn’t that be nice for when school starts back up?”

Once again, Harry nodded, still a little unsure of himself. He didn’t like going to the doctor. Would they really just talk? Or would they give him a shot? Harry hated getting shots.

_ You’re stupid, Harry. Why can’t you be normal? _

“We can even go get a treat afterward if you’d like. Maybe ice cream? Or we could go to the new toy shop in town.”

At this, Harry nodded happily, a wide smile adorning his face.

“Come on, sweetie. Let’s go.”

Anne and Harry went to the car, Anne letting Harry pick the music that played on the radio.

***

“We’re here, love,” Anne told her son, sweetly.

She took Harry by the hand and together, they made their way towards the tall office building.

The building was composed of white bricks and had many windows. Harry was excited to ride the elevator up to the third floor, where his appointment was. The elevator was shiny and gold, and Harry made sure to jump extra hard as they slowly ascended. 

However, as the doors of the elevator opened to reveal the third floor, Harry was immediately nervous. As they stepped through the doors to the psychologist’s office, he could feel the bad butterflies in his tummy, the way he did when he got really scared and his mum said the worry bug must be paying a visit. He gripped his mum’s hand tightly with his own, clinging to her side. 

“Mummy?” Harry whispered.

“Yes, dear?” Anne replied quickly, brushing her son’s messy curls from his eyes.

“I d-don’t wanna g-go.” Harry looked to his mother pitifully.

“I’m sorry, sweetheart, but it will be okay. I’m right here with you, okay?”

Harry nodded, still unsure.

“You’re my brave boy, Harry. I believe in you.”

“Harry Styles?” A kind woman called out, beckoning them from the small waiting room into a quaint little office.

The room was painted a pastel blue, and there were two bean-bag chairs as well as a comfortable-looking grey couch with brightly colored pillows. Next to the couch was a wicker basket filled with toys of some sort, and in the corner of the room, there was a small table with coloring supplies and chairs. Harry didn’t see any needles. He took this all in before his mother nudged his chin upwards to meet the eyes of the doctor.

“Hi, Harry,” The doctor began, “My name is Linda. We’re just going to talk today, and you get to tell me all about you!”

“H-hi.” Harry responded, at his mother’s prompting.

“If you’d like, you can pick out something fun to play with while we talk, okay?”

Harry gave a small nod in reply, making his way to the box of toys, gingerly picking out a stretchy, pink caterpillar to play with.

“Do you want to sit on a bean-bag?” The doctor asked, “They’re super comfy.”

Once again, Harry nodded a little, curling up into a small ball of Harry on top of a light purple bean-bag.

Anne made her way to the couch, waiting for the psychologist to begin.

“So, Harry, what’s your favourite thing to do?”

Harry looked up at Linda, surprised. Wasn’t she supposed to be a doctor? What did that have to do with the worry bug?

“I… um, I l-like t-to read, Harry replied, shyly.

“Really? I love to read!” Linda smiled at Harry, “What’s your favourite book?”

“Uhh… _ T-the Little P-prince,”  _ Harry relaxed in the bean-bag, starting to be more comfortable. Talking like this was okay. 

_ You’re so weird, Harry. You’re being a burden on your mummy by making her come here. Doctors cost money…  _

Harry shook his head, trying to rid himself of the thought.

Linda noticed this behavior, but did not comment on it, deciding instead to pay more attention to Harry’s physical actions.

“That’s an amazing book, Harry. Can you tell me what you like about it?”

Harry thought to himself for a moment, “H-he’s all b-by him-himself, b-but he has his r-rose.”

“I think the little prince must get pretty lonely all by himself on his planet. What do you think, Harry?”

“I-I th-think he must b-be. I g-get l-lonely a-all by m-myself.”

“Why do you get lonely, Harry?”

Anne looked on, amazed that Linda had gotten that out of her son in a few minutes. He was 

never this open about how he felt.

Harry chewed on his lower lip, averting his eyes to the pink caterpillar toy in his hand. 

“K-kids at sc-school don’t like m-me.”

“Well, that doesn’t make very much sense to me. You seem like a lovely young man. Why do you think they don’t like you?”

Harry pondered this for a moment. 

“Th-they say I… I talk f-funny an-and th-that I d-do weird-d things.”

“What do they think you do that’s weird?”

Harry blushed a little, shaking his head, his curls jumping up and down on his head. Tears started to well up in his bright green eyes, so Linda decided they could talk about this later.

“That’s okay, Harry, we don’t have to talk about that right now.”

Harry sniffled a little, nodding back to her.

“You told me you liked to read, are you good in school?”

The conversation continued on like this for another thirty minutes before their session ended.

“It was nice to meet you, Harry. I’ll see you next week, okay?”

Harry said a quiet, “Bye,” as his mother led him back out the door, through the waiting room, into the elevator, and back to their car. 

“See, not so bad, right?” Anne asked her son.

“Yeah,” Harry smiled a little. He didn’t have to get a shot!

“Let’s go pick you out a nice little reward for being such a brave boy, hmm?”

Harry happily agreed, Anne driving them to the new toy shop.

Harry looked around the store, a fluffy, white teddy bear catching his eye.

After paying for the item, mother and son made their way back home.

Anne thought about what she and Linda had discussed. They had asked Harry to briefly leave the room, so they could chat in private. 

**“I’d like to do some testing with Harry next week.” Linda stated.**

**“Testing? For what?” Anne questioned, anxiously.**

**“I think it would be a good idea for us to assess his anxiety as well as his intelligence and development so that we can make Harry a plan that will help him best.”**

**Anne hummed, nodding. That seemed like a good idea. But what if there was something wrong with her little boy?**

**Sensing her nerves, Linda was quick to reassure her.**

**“You needn’t worry, Harry seems like a lovely young boy, very sweet and intelligent. These assessments are just a normal part of my work with a client.**

Anne hoped her baby was okay. But if he wasn’t, she swore that she would do whatever was required to help him.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> hey! sorry I've been taking so long between updates. I've been sick off and on for the past few weeks. I also just realized some of the chapters have been formatted wrong, sorry about that! I hope everyone is doing well. thank you for reading! all my love xx


	6. and the tears stream down my face

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> harry has his second therapy appointment.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> trigger warning! there is a pretty descriptive scene of a panic attack in this chapter. if this is triggering for you, please don't read this chapter.

The week passed by in a blur, filled with errands and trips to the playground. Anne was incredibly nervous about the testing Linda had suggested, but she tried to hide her fear from Harry. After all, it would do no good for Harry to experience her second-hand worry.

As Anne parked her car in the lot for Linda’s building, she glanced back at her son in the rearview mirror. She just wanted him to be happy. Harry was so young-- how could he be experiencing so much worry?

She took Harry’s small hand in her own, and the two made their way into the building, and up the elevator to Linda’s office. Harry seemed much less nervous this time around, for which Anne was immensely grateful. At least one of them wasn’t worried.

Anne and Harry made their way into the small waiting room, sitting on a too-hard couch. A young woman was sitting in an armchair across from the pair. Harry curled up into his mother’s side-- although Harry was not as nervous as he was for his first appointment, he was incredibly shy, and this new woman scared him a bit. 

Anne pulled Harry in close, running her fingers through her son’s curly brown locks. 

“Shh, no need to be nervous, sweetheart,” she soothed, “Why don’t you go play with some of those toys over in the corner?”

At this, Harry shook his head fiercely, burrowing himself even further into his mother’s embrace.

The door of the waiting room opened to reveal Linda.

“Hi, Harry, are you ready to come back?” 

Harry nodded slightly, Anne offering her hand to lead him into the office. 

“You can come too, Mum,” Linda gave a small smile to Anne.

The trio made their way into the office, with Harry settling into a bean bag after some prompting from the two women.

“So, Harry,” Linda began, “Today I’m going to ask you a lot of questions. There are no right or wrong answers. Afterwards, I’ll talk to your mum for a bit, and you can go ahead and play in a special playroom across the hall. How does that sound?”

Harry nodded shyly, casting a glance up at his mother.

“Harry, is it okay if your mummy sits in the waiting room while we talk? She’ll be just outside if we need her.” 

Harry nodded again, with a little less certainty, in response to Linda’s question. He’d be okay without his mum for a little while. He wasn’t with her at school, or when he was having a playdate with Lou, so he’d be fine, right?

_ You’re a little baby, you need mummy to be with you all the time. Such a baby. No wonder no one wants to be friends with you. _

Harry gave his head a little shake, trying to get the thoughts to go away, as his mother made her way out of the office.

Linda walked towards him, sitting on the bean bag chair that was beside him on the floor. 

“So I’m just going to ask you some questions, and you need to respond as truthfully as you can. Can you do that for me?” Linda questioned.

“Yes,” Harry replied, quietly. He was an honest little boy. This was surely something he could do.

“Thank you, Harry,” Linda smiled back at him, passing him the caterpillar stress toy he chose to play with at their last appointment. 

“So, for these first few questions, I’m going to give you a statement, and you will tell me if the statement is, ‘very true, sometimes true, or not true’ for you.”

Harry nodded again, hesitantly.

“When I get scared, I find it hard to breathe.”

Harry looked up from his lap, bashfully, “V-very.”

Linda’s questions continued on in this manner for a while, until a particularly embarrassing question made the mean voice in Harry’s head resurface. He had tried his best to ignore it, but he couldn’t any longer.

_ You’re such a baby, Harry. Your mum is going to find out what you told Linda and she’ll think you’re a baby too, you’re such a baby, you make your mum so sad all the time-- _

Harry shook his head slightly, dropping the caterpillar toy from his tight grip. 

_ \--what if she gets so sad that she cries on the way home? And then the car crashes and it’s all your fault, it’s all your fault, ALL YOUR FAULT, yourfaultyourfaultyourfaultyourfault-- _

Harry closed his eyes tightly and shook his head so hard that it began to hurt. He started to whimper from the pain, but he couldn’t stop! Or else his mummy would get hurt and it would be all his fault, all his fault, all his fault, all his… 

Linda had been watching Harry’s behavior, assessing whether she should intervene or give Harry a moment to sort himself out. When his breathing picked up, she knew that it was time to step in.

“Harry, can you tell me what’s going on in your mind right now?” She asked, cautiously.

But Harry couldn’t hear Linda, or the buzz of the white noise machine outside the office, or the traffic rushing past outside, all he could hear was the pounding of his heart and all of the scary thoughts raging war in his head. 

_ Mummy’s gonna get hurt she’s gonna get hurt she’s gonna get-- _

Harry’s head slumped further forward, hitting his knees, painfully. His left hand smacked the ground with a small thud.

_ Do that again, Harry, you have to do that again, that wasn’t right, and now Mummy’s gonna get even more hurt. _

There was a burning feeling in his chest, it just felt so wrong,  _ so wrong so wrong so wrong-- _ so Harry took his left hand and he smacked it, hard, against the ground twice more before he felt the burning dissipate a bit. 

It was getting a little easier to breathe, but now that he was gaining awareness of his surroundings, he could feel himself getting scared all over again.

Harry realized he was crying, and  _ that’s stupid because only weak little babies cry _ , which made him sob harder. 

Suddenly, the sweet unmistakable scent of his mother met his nose, and he felt a pair of arms wrap him in a tight embrace.

“Shh, baby, shh, I promise you’re gonna be okay, you just need to breathe with me, shh…”

Harry listened to the soothing voice of his mother, and let it lull him into a calm, his eyelids fluttering closed as the exhaustion of the ordeal finally caught up with him. Anne sighed heavily, running her fingers through her son’s curly hair.

Linda met her eyes, “I think that was enough for today. I’m sure you want to get him home, I’ll give you a call later and we can talk more in detail about what happened, and to schedule our next appointment.”

Anne agreed with Linda and murmured a quick, “thank you,” standing up with her small son held tightly to her chest. 

Harry wasn’t okay. But she would do whatever was necessary to help him feel better.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> sorry it took so long for me to update! I know this chapter isn't super happy or fluffy, but I want to make harry's struggle in the story as realistic as possible. I appreciate all of your kudos and kind comments, they make me smile :) let me know what you think!


	7. i'll make this feel like home

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> the aftermath of harry's panic attack

“Mum?” Gemma called out, hearing the front door open.

“Hi, sweetheart,” Anne replied, wearily.

In her arms, she held a small, sleeping Harry, who had managed to stay asleep for the car ride home. 

Seeing her mother’s exhaustion, Gemma offered to take Harry from her, to which Anne gratefully accepted.

Gemma carefully picked up her brother, holding him close to her body before making her way to the sofa.

Harry began to stir slightly from the movement.

“… Gem?” He whispered sleepily.

“Shh, Haz,” she responded, brushing his curls from his face, “go back to sleep, I’m right here.”

That was all Harry needed to hear to quickly drop back off into a deep sleep, his head falling onto his sister’s chest. 

Gemma sat down on the couch, pulling a blanket over herself and her brother before cuddling up close to him.

“Oh, Hazzabear…What are we going to do with you?”

***

Harry awoke later that afternoon, finding himself laid upon the sofa in the sitting room.

The phone was ringing loudly in the kitchen, and after hearing it go unanswered, Harry rubbed the sleep out of his eyes and went to pick it up.

“H-hello?” Harry asked quietly-- talking on the phone usually scared him to no end, but currently, he was too tired to be bothered.

“Harry!” Lou’s bright voice reverberated through the Styles’ sitting room.

The sound of his best friend’s voice caused a small smile to peek through Harry’s exhausted face.

“Hi, Lou,” Harry murmured back through the telephone, happy to be hearing from his friend.

“Well, today we’re going to the pool, and Mum said that I can bring a friend, and since you’re my best friend in the whole world, I want to bring you! She even said that you could stay the night at my house, and we could have pizza!” Louis exclaimed, cheerfully.

Harry began to chew on his lip, anxiously. That sounded like loads of fun… he’d be okay, right?

“I’d l-love to, Lou,” Harry responded, “L-let me go as-ask my Mum. I’ll ca-call you back-k.”

Harry quickly padded into his mum’s bedroom, finding her sat on the bed, seeming to be in the midst of an intense conversation on her cellphone. 

“So you think that’s the best option for hi-- Oh, Harry, you’re up!” Anne smiled at him, quickly changing her tone of voice to a happier one, “Can I call you back later? I think a certain someone needs some Mummy Cuddles.”

Anne ended the call, opening her arms for a hug, which Harry graciously gave.

“Hi, sweetheart, did you have a good sleep?”

Harry simply nodded into his mum’s chest, enjoying the comfort he was receiving. He had always loved cuddles.

Mum said he was a cuddle bug. In Harry’s opinion, that was much better than a worry bug. 

“Mummy?” Harry asked quietly, voice muffled by the fabric of Anne’s jumper.

“Yes, love?” She quickly replied, stroking her baby’s hair with her free hand, as her other arm was wrapped tightly around Harry as if she were trying to hold him together.

“Lou asked me to go swimming with him, and he said I could sleepover afterward. Can I, Mum?” Harry pleaded. Although the idea of spending a night away from his mum made him feel nervous, he really wanted to see his best friend.

Plus, only big boys had sleepovers, which meant that if  _ he  _ had a sleepover, he’d be a big boy, too.

Anne tried to conceal her surprise, “Oh… that sounds lovely dear, let me just have a chat with his mum, hmm?”

Harry nodded his head up and down against his mother’s chest.

Meanwhile, a full-fledged debate was taking place in Anne’s head. Should she let him go to the sleepover, especially after the difficult morning he had? He’d never spent the night away from home, she truly had no idea how a sleepover would play out, especially with Harry in such an emotional state. But perhaps seeing Louis would make her son happier… 

“You go run along to Gemma, and I’ll sort out the details with Ms. Jay. Okay?”

Harry happily obliged, quickly running from the kitchen, his little feet stomping up the stairs in a hurry. Anne knew Harry had successfully reached his destination when a shouted, “Hey!” and a collection of small squeals of laughter reached her ears.

She nodded to herself, pleased with her wonderful children, before once again pulling out her cell.   
  


Anne typed in Jay’s number without thought-- the two women had become extremely close during their sons’ friendship, always talking on the phone and meeting up for tea.

Jay’s cell rang three times before she answered.

“Anne! How are you?”

Anne stepped outside to take the call, not wanting any sneaky children eavesdropping. 

“Jay, I’m well, how are you?”

“Good, good! Did Louis tell your Harry about the sleepover?”

Anne grimaced slightly, “About that, Jay, I told Harry he can go, but he’s had a rough day. We had a little incident this morning. Oh, gosh, Jay… it was bad.”

The line was silent for a moment before Jay inquired as to what happened.

“He had a therapy appointment this morning, for the testing we talked about, and he had this horrific panic attack, at least that’s what his therapist called it… I just…. I’m scared it’ll happen again, Jay,”

Tears started to leak from Anne’s eyes, though she tried her best to remain composed.

“Oh, Anne, I’m sorry, is he okay now?”

Anne thought for a moment, “I’m not sure. I put him down for a nap, the poor thing tired himself out during the episode, and when he woke, he didn’t even seem to remember what happened.”

Before Jay could respond, Anne began to speak again, “Jay, I think seeing Louis will help him, but I’m afraid there might be another incident like that… I can’t ask you to take that responsibility, and he might not calm down without me there and he could work himself into a tizzy and--”

“Anne,” Jay interrupted, “I know I haven’t known Harry for long, but I am completely okay with that responsibility. We love Harry--  _ all _ of Harry--and I know myself and my Lou would do anything to make him happy. You’re always just a phone call away, too, hmm?”

Anne released the breath she had been holding, “Gosh, Jay… Thank you. I just… thank you.”

Jay shook her head slightly on the other side of the line, “Anne, dear, it’s my pleasure. Harry and his needs will never be a burden for me, just like they are not for you. Harry is a wonderful little boy who is currently struggling a bit and needs some extra help. And I’m more than happy to provide it.”

The two women talked for a bit longer about sleepover details as well as their daily lives, before hanging up with a “goodbye!” and a “love you.”

They planned for Jay to stop by the house to pick up Harry in around an hour, and Anne would join them for dinner later that evening so she could say goodnight to Harry.

Anne made her way back into the house, closing the front door behind her. She was greeted by an eager-looking Harry, who was making puppy dog eyes at her as if pleading for a cuddle.

She was quick to pull Harry into an embrace, ruffling his hair as she did so.

“Let’s go get you all packed, my big boy.”

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> hey!! I'm so sorry it took so long for me to update! I hope you enjoy, the next chapter will be Harry's sleepover with Lou:)

**Author's Note:**

> thanks for reading :) I'll try to update soon if people would like that!


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